I have a confession to make. When I first came to this world, I was excited. I thought I could be someone else. They told me I could be a hero. But it turned out that people don\u2019t change that easily. Cowards are still cowards. And I was a coward.<\/p>\n
But then I was afraid when I learned that people could change. People could change entirely, and that scared me as much as not changing. Then, I was frightened of what I might become.<\/p>\n
Now I know the truth. People don\u2019t change so easily. They can, but what this world does isn\u2019t change us. Rather, it shows us who we are. Heroes. Cowards.<\/p>\n
And monsters. And I am all three. They call me a hero, I know I am a coward, and I have a monster in my soul. The devil dances in the mirror and laughs. I call his name.<\/p>\n
Tom.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u2014-<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u201cTom? Hey Tom, you\u2019ve got snow in your hair.\u201d<\/p>\n A tentative voice wakes me up from my thoughts. I pull myself up on my horse and brush at my head. I don\u2019t feel any wet. And when I find what\u2019s stuck there, I realize it isn\u2019t snow. It\u2019s a flower petal. White, beautiful, fallen from high overhead.<\/p>\n White petals. They float down softly among the sounds of people cheering from the rooftops of houses. I look to my left, the little petal in my hands. Richard grins at me and tugs the hat on his head a bit higher. It should be silly to wear a cowboy hat over armor, but I have to admit, Richard pulls the Stetson off quite well. Maybe it\u2019s because he\u2019s also mounted.<\/p>\n Nothing like a cowboy [Knight] to get the crowds going. I flick the petal towards him as my own horse plods along the paved street.<\/p>\n \u201cNice crowd.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou should smile and wave at them. They\u2019re cheering for you as well.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMm. That\u2019s because they don\u2019t know me.\u201d<\/p>\n Richard shakes his head. I sigh, but obligingly wave a hand upwards. A few more people add their voices to the cheering. It\u2019s a small crowd, really. A thousand people in a city built to hold far more than that. But they gather, and around me, the others are waving, blowing kisses. They\u2019re glad to be here. And as the petals float down, I admit, so am I.<\/p>\n Petals. They\u2019re whiter than snow. In Rhir, snowfall is cold and wet. And often\u2014tainted. Grey, or sometimes black, by whatever curse lies upon the land. It\u2019s said the black snow is a product of the blighted lands themselves, and the people avoid touching it where it falls.<\/p>\n Not that that\u2019s a problem here. I look up, and up, my eyes travelling across sky bridges, made of wood and stone, buildings which reach up like small skyscrapers, layers of houses, shops, and more packed into one place. It\u2019s like and unlike a city from my world in so many ways. The height is there, yes, but the aerial walkways and ramparts? No.<\/p>\n \u201cNew York City looked like this, once, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally?\u201d<\/p>\n I look back at Richard. He nods.<\/p>\n \u201cKeith told me. He\u2019s into architecture.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cEngineering major. Right.\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s funny, I\u2019d forgotten. But of course, Keith would have been a freshman in Pennsylvania. Lehigh University. It\u2019s so strange. I never went to college, but I can\u2019t imagine being that certain about what I\u2019d want to do with my life that early. I didn\u2019t know what I wanted when I was taken, that\u2019s for sure.<\/p>\n \u201cSo New York looked like this a while back? Why\u2019d they stop?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know. Construction costs? People falling? You should ask him.\u201d<\/p>\n I glance back down the line of people on horseback, catching sight of Keith. I hesitate, shake my head.<\/p>\n \u201cNah. I\u2019m not that curious.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, Tom.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNah. But I will go for a walk up there sometime. Looks like fun. So long as you don\u2019t slip.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Emily\u2019s going to hate it, though.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh? Why?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe gets vertigo something fierce. Maybe we can get a room on the ground floor, do you think?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot sure. I guess that depends on the impression we make. Hey, I\u2019m going to ride ahead, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAlright, then.\u201d<\/p>\n I gently nudge the horse I\u2019m riding on with my heels. The brown creature grudgingly accelerates a bit while Richard slows his to hang back with the others. He makes it look so easy. He sits on his stallion like they\u2019ve known each other for years. I can barely get my mare to stop.<\/p>\n Alone again. I know Richard\u2019s trying to be nice and talk to me, but I don\u2019t need it. I keep my horse more or less between the group from my world, the twenty or so Americans who were summoned to this world, and our escort. Soldiers ride ahead and behind me, armor gleaming, but showing evidence of battle. The people cheer us all the harder because of it.<\/p>\n We are heroes. And some of us are [Heroes]. I\u2019m not.<\/p>\n Not anymore. I gave that up with everything else months ago. Now I\u2019m just Tom. Thomas, if you\u2019re my mom. And I\u2019m riding through the city as petals fall onto my shoulders and get caught in my hair. I look up again.<\/p>\n And the city takes my breath away.<\/p>\n So beautiful. The tangle of buildings and pathways through the sky really are a sight unique to this world. There are bridges large enough for horses to ride across, and for wagons to roll through! A city climbing to the sky. And why not? The people live close together, behind walls. Why not build a city like this, in this continent of ceaseless war?<\/p>\n This is Rhir. And this is the heart of the kingdom, the shield city known as Paranfer, whose walls have stood for thousands of years. But even here, behind the four great walls built by generations of the inhabitants, safety is not always guaranteed. As I look up, I see evidence of that in the form of watch towers, manned even in the capital city.<\/p>\n And, of course, we passed through the six successive outer walls of the city and the seventh, being built as we rode in. Each wall is taller than the last, and, of course, patrolled by guards. I\u2019m told that with each new wall, a new layer of housing is added to the ones beneath. I wonder how the architecture can handle it? The foundations of each building must be hundreds of feet deep. Or enchanted.<\/p>\n Probably enchanted.<\/p>\n In this sprawling, tightly-knit overgrowth of civilization, it\u2019s possible to walk up six stories and walk with the covered roofs of the city shielding you from the corrupted rain or snow that might pour down without warning, or venture far, far beneath, to the streets and gutters where the sewers run black, depositing their contents into the sea.<\/p>\n Apparently people live down there, in the sewers. The magical pollution does something to them. But whatever dangers the contamination might pose, it still runs into the sea. And there it flows west and north. Towards the edge of the world.<\/p>\n Beyond Rhir, there is no world. A few islands perhaps, and oceanic depths no one has explored. But beyond that? The end of the world. A great abyss from which no one returns. The world is flat, and you can sail right off it. Rhir sits at the edge of the world\u2014so do the islanders, a group of strange foreigners who clash with Minotaurs and sometimes sail towards civilization.<\/p>\n Or so I\u2019ve been told. I know only what other people tell me about this world. I have never left this continent, not in the months I\u2019ve been here. And I\u2019ve only ever seen this city once before.<\/p>\n My heart stirs as I watch the petals floating down. The people are still cheering above, waiting along the route of our procession. Not a lot of them, but some. They\u2019re shouting, crying out the rallying call of Rhir.<\/p>\n \u201cThe Walls stand!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe Blighted King sits upon his throne!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo the ends of the world and back! Rhir!<\/em> The last war! The endless war!\u201d<\/p>\n Fierce shouts, from men, women, and children alike. There\u2019s no doubt in their voices, no sense of embarrassment for what they say. Each one is filled with burning pride in who they are, love for their country.<\/p>\n Patriots. It\u2019s an odd thought. I feel a chill and look towards the palace rising above the rest of the city. It is gigantic, apparently taller than any other such building in the world. It was designed by Dwarfs, added to year after year, and made to never be taken. Yes, Rhir might be blighted, afflicted by dark magic, and attacked by strange new monsters year after year. Yes, the Demon King waits and sends his armies forth to bring down the walls.<\/p>\n But it is great for that reason. Because Rhir will not fall. It alone boasts the most skilled and deadly warriors from all races. The kingdom has ancient treasures, unyielding protectors, and its [King] is known throughout the world. All nations know of Rhir, and if the horns call, they send their armies. For if Rhir falls, the world is next.<\/p>\n \u2026Or so I\u2019m told. It sounds to me like Rhir is isolated, cut off from the rest of the world by the battle only the people here will fight. But to the people, their struggle is pride and purpose.<\/p>\n Another petal floats down. It\u2019s truly beautiful, and I\u2019m glad to see it. I\u2019ve had enough of grey and black snow, or worse, red snow. I reach up as it flutters towards my face.<\/p>\n This petal is soft and cool, chilled by the air, but warming, like the weather. I catch it and sniff at it. The smell is sweet, vanishingly faint, and melancholy. Just as soon as I sniff, I sneeze. I wipe at my nose and feel my skin itching. I quickly brush the petal off and note that my skin is already turning red.<\/p>\n \u201cGreat. I think I\u2019m allergic to that.\u201d<\/p>\n Why can\u2019t I have nice things? I sigh. I ride on, and hear a little voice.<\/p>\n Maybe because you\u2019re not a nice person. Or maybe it\u2019s genetics. Either way, you\u2019d better hope you don\u2019t inhale one of those or you might die of anaphylactic shock. Now, how funny would that be? There\u2019s no EpiPen in this world. Go on, sniff another and see how fast your throat closes up.<\/em><\/p>\n It\u2019s not a nice thought. I ignore it and sigh.<\/p>\n Come on, you can\u2019t ignore me. Or rather, you. Is it me or you? Both? It\u2019s like a thought you can\u2019t ignore. Or a song. Remember the one about badgers?<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cGoddamnit.\u201d<\/p>\n The voice is back. I\u2019m afraid it\u2019ll plague me all day this time. My voice, to be exact. No one else\u2019s. Nothing to be worried about. It\u2019s just a voice. In my head. Everyone has a little voice in their head, right?<\/p>\n It doesn\u2019t make me crazy. Even though I am insane. But [Lesser Insanity] isn\u2019t\u2026isn\u2019t\u2026<\/p>\n Fun? Entertaining? Totally batshit crazy? Where were you going with that one?<\/em><\/p>\n Let\u2019s try this again.<\/p>\n Hi. My name is Tom. I\u2019m a Level 28 [Clown]. Only, I\u2019m retired. You\u2019d never know it to look at me, as I ride through the streets of Rhir with an escort of soldiers and my friends. I look normal. Just a guy in slightly worn clothing, slightly overweight, but not as heavy as I used to be\u2014I lost weight. I have scars you can\u2019t see, and a funny walk. But that\u2019s all. I\u2019m white, American, and as bland as you can be.<\/p>\n I don\u2019t wear the face paint any longer. I don\u2019t color my nose red, or paint my face whiter than it usually is. I don\u2019t juggle, do tricks, or anything remotely funny if I can help it. I\u2019ve given up being a [Clown]. I really have.<\/p>\n And I\u2019m not insane. I\u2019m not. Not entirely. Not yet.<\/p>\n Keep telling yourself that.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cOkay, maybe Richard was right.\u201d<\/p>\n I gently pull on the reins of my horse. She freezes, and I nearly topple off her. I groan, turn her around, and walk her back. Towards the others.<\/p>\n There they are, twenty of them. Not all clustered up at once, of course; they\u2019re riding in a procession, so it\u2019s two to four abreast, all moving slowly down the street. Not the widest of streets, either, and not one lined by cheering people, you\u2019ll note. This is one of the entry streets to Paranfer, and as such it\u2019s meant to be kept empty of all traffic except those going this way. The general citizenry stays above.<\/p>\n I was riding at the head of our little procession, but now I head back. There are four people there. Richard, our own southern cowboy [Knight], the leader of our ragtag group. Emily, another leader, beloved, a [Hydromancer]. And next to them Keith, a [Blacksmith] who wants to find out if there is an [Engineer] class, and Chole. Chole\u2019s a [Nurse].<\/p>\n \u201cTom!\u201d<\/p>\n Richard breaks off from talking with Chole and the others at once. They all fall silent as I awkwardly guide my horse over to them. I see Emily actually pull her horse back a bit. That\u2019s fine. Understandable, even.<\/p>\n \u201cHey Richard, guess what? Turns out I\u2019m allergic to the pretty flowers.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, that ain\u2019t good. At least we\u2019re not being showered by the stuff, then.\u201d<\/p>\n Richard shakes his head. I turn my horse and fall in with him. Emily hesitates, but it\u2019s Chole who backs up until she\u2019s behind us. I ride next to Richard, pretending not to notice the way Keith stares at me. Of course, Richard acts like nothing\u2019s amiss. He\u2019s considerate like that.<\/p>\n \u201cReckon we\u2019ll be in the main part of the city soon. It\u2019s a big place, isn\u2019t it? I didn\u2019t see much of it the first time we were here, but we\u2019ll be going through a bigger section soon, with a larger escort.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAre they actually going to throw a parade for us? I thought all of this was what we were going to get.\u201d<\/p>\n Emily waves a hand up at the balconies overhead. A girl cheers down at her, which doesn\u2019t in turn cheer her up. She wanted a parade, and we barely got that. I don\u2019t care. Keith looks as skeptical as Richard and I feel.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know. We\u2019re not exactly in favor, are we? It\u2019s only \u2018cause you and Richard are over Level 30 that we\u2019re getting acknowledged at all, right? For fighting Demons and monsters. Well, that and\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n He glances sideways at me. I ignore the look and hunch my shoulders.<\/p>\n How can you ignore a look <\/em>and respond to it? Just say it out loud, Tom. We\u2019re getting invited back to the capital because you killed a bunch of innocent people. Wait, I mean, the Demons killed the innocent people and you killed them. That makes you a hero! Right?<\/em><\/p>\n Richard clears his throat.<\/p>\n \u201cSo long as we can get behind some actual walls for a spell, I\u2019m grateful. And if the Blighted King wants to see us, that\u2019s fine. So long as we can impress His Majesty, that is.\u201d<\/p>\n He\u2019s looking at me now, too. I look up and meet his eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m done, Richard. I told you that.\u201d<\/p>\n He nods. Emily doesn\u2019t look convinced. Keith opens his mouth and Richard speaks.<\/p>\n \u201cLook, we\u2019re here.\u201d<\/p>\n Our street opens and takes us into a grand plaza. One of many, but grand nonetheless. It\u2019s large enough to hold thousands of people, or at least, make us feel tiny as we enter it on horseback.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright, we\u2019re here! Off the horses!\u201d<\/p>\n As we enter the square, our leader calls out and I gladly slide from my saddle. I hear one of our number, Eddy, grumbling as we do.<\/p>\n \u201cWhy can\u2019t we ride to the palace? I can see it from here!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you can see it, you can walk to it. Besides, some roads are foot traffic only. Stop complaining.\u201d<\/p>\n Vincent calls out as he helps Chole off her horse. Eddy mutters, but doesn\u2019t respond outright. He grumbled when we had to ride as well, since he wasn\u2019t used to riding in the first place. I guess he got used to it.<\/p>\n Now we\u2019re in the plaza, I look around. There are many roads entering here, and the ground has some kind of spiral pattern to it. The colored bricks make me feel as though I\u2019m being drawn to the center.<\/p>\n \u201cPretty.\u201d<\/p>\n I say it to no one. Unfortunately, someone responds.<\/p>\n As lovely as a whirlpool. Do you think it\u2019s a spell? It might be. Anger the wrong person and you\u2019ll be sucked into the ground in the center, there. The center, right by the man with the stall selling daggers.<\/em><\/p>\n Why do I think like this? I sigh, take my mind off the idea of magical traps, and loiter with the rest of my group in the absent-minded sort of way crowds do when they\u2019re waiting for someone to tell them what to do next.<\/p>\n \u201cOh, look. Beggars!\u201d<\/p>\n A soft cry comes up from one of the other girls. I look and see Cynthia pointing with dismay at a girl with a bowl sitting around the edge of the plaza. She\u2019s young. Can\u2019t be more than eight, perhaps. The attention of my group is drawn instantly to her, and her situation.<\/p>\n \u201cWe should give her something.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhy? Look, she\u2019s probably fed\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t know that!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, but if you give her money, what about everyone else? Look how many there are.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut she\u2019s\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTom, toss me a coin, would you?\u201d<\/p>\n Richard settles the matter before it can turn into another argument. He raises a hand as he walks over to the girl, who looks up hopefully. I sigh and dig around in a pouch at my waist.<\/p>\n There\u2019s a good twenty feet of distance between me and Richard, and it\u2019s growing each time he takes a step. Still, that doesn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n I have a Skill.<\/p>\n You\u2019ve got lots of skills, Tommy boy. You just don\u2019t use them.<\/em><\/p>\n Ignore that. I have a good Skill. Not like the\u2014others. The ones I received that night.<\/p>\n Oh, happy memories.<\/em><\/p>\n [Lesser Insanity]. [Horrific Laughter]. [Devil\u2019s Luck]. [Greater Pain Tolerance]. And\u2026[Weapon Proficiency: Knives]. Those are the skills I received on the day when I went crazy. When I had a breakdown and slaughtered a group of Demon soldiers.<\/p>\n Correction: when you acted heroically. That\u2019s why you leveled, right? You were a hero! Sorry, I mean, [Hero]!<\/em><\/p>\n Ignore it. Ignore\u2026since then I\u2019ve leveled up four more times. I learned a few cool skills. The first is [Unerring Throw], which allows me to hit any target I aim at, so long as what I\u2019m aiming at doesn\u2019t dodge or block, or if the throw\u2019s physically impossible for me.<\/p>\n Cue me tossing the silver coin to Richard, over the heads of everyone else. He catches it in one gauntleted hand and offers it to the kid. He kneels down with her and Cynthia and a few others go over. I stand back, counting up the coins we have now.<\/p>\n Some gold, some silver\u2026one less. Not a lot; not if we\u2019re buying all the gear everyone wants. But why don\u2019t I think that\u2019ll stop Cynthia from demanding more coins for every child beggar we see? I sigh.<\/p>\n You don\u2019t really care.<\/em><\/p>\n I don\u2019t. It\u2019s true. But it is my job to manage the coin. I guess I can be okay with handing it out whenever anyone asks. Because that\u2019s my job in this group. Some people are leaders, like Richard and Emily, others have opinions like Eddy who knows a lot about games, and others\u2026why do I feel like this is the student council and I\u2019m back in High School? Maybe because I have a position very similar to that here.<\/p>\n Treasurer. Actually, I\u2019m more like a glorified purse. I keep the money Richard and the others are given, and give it out only when everyone votes we use it. Or when Richard says. I also help make sure everyone gets food for the night, manage our supplies of potions and so on\u2026it\u2019s not an important job. I do it because I won\u2019t fight. I refuse to fight.<\/p>\n I had enough of it after the night when Wilen died.<\/p>\n Squashy, squashy. Troll goes stompy. And little Tom goes crazy.<\/em><\/p>\n For a second I debate stabbing myself. Right in the eye, or the side. Would that make the voice go away?<\/p>\n Try it and find out! One stab and everyone\u2019ll believe there\u2019s a voice in your head! Why not?<\/em><\/p>\n I hate you so much. Hate me. I know you\u2019re not real.<\/p>\n \u201c\u2026Tom! Tom! Get out of the way!\u201d<\/p>\n A voice calls out. I look up, and realize someone\u2019s right on top of me. A scaly, orange face, glinting chainmail, a spear grasped by a claw-like hand\u2014a lizard-guy is bearing down on top of me! Scratch that, a lot<\/em> of lizard guys, marching in tight formation!<\/p>\n He\u2019s about to walk into me. I twist out of the way, gracefully for a guy my size. One step, and the huge lizard man misses me by a fraction of a millimeter. His buddies march past as well as I step away.<\/p>\n That\u2019s the second skill I learned. [Flawless Dodge]. It only works when I\u2019m ready for what\u2019s coming at me, and I can\u2019t do it every time. But I feel pretty spry whenever it works.<\/p>\n \u201cCompany, halt!<\/em> Stop running over civilians, you thick-scaled idiots!\u201d<\/p>\n A voice shouts, and the lizard people stop instantly. They turn like a single unit, and I see another one striding towards me. She has black scales, a narked expression on her face, and a plumed helmet. Clearly an officer.<\/p>\n Or an enthusiastic cosplayer.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cSorry about that. This lot is trained to walk over anyone in the way, nevermind that we\u2019re guests here. In a Human<\/em> city.\u201d<\/p>\n She addresses me and her soldiers with a glare probably meant for them. Then she turns as Richard strides over. She glances at me, and then nods at him. Yeah, that\u2019s a fair assessment. He is<\/em> wearing armor and he looks like he\u2019s in charge.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you the group known as the, uh\u2026\u2018Americans\u2019? Sorry we\u2019re late.\u201d<\/p>\n She pronounces the word oddly. Richard nods, extends a hand to shake. It\u2019s odd being called Americans, especially since America\u2019s a big place. Two continents, rather than one country. But hell, I guess America means the United States, not anywhere else.<\/p>\n Makes sense.<\/em><\/p>\n And I mean, what else were we supposed to call ourselves when we were asked who we were? Anyways, Richard is used to the awkwardness.<\/p>\n \u201cYes Ma\u2019am. We\u2019re the Americans. And you are?\u201d<\/p>\n She grasps his hand firmly. I note her claws, although Richard is wearing a gauntlet. She\u2019s a lizard! A giant lizard person! With a tail! And she\u2019s clearly a she. There\u2019s just something about her size, voice, and physique that tells me definitely that she\u2019s female while the soldier who nearly ran into me is male. She\u2019s humanoid enough in that respect.<\/p>\n \u201cCirille Bitterclaw, at your service. I\u2019m the sorry [Commander] of this lot.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRichard Davenport, Ma\u2019am. A pleasure.\u201d<\/p>\n Cirille blinks a bit at being called \u2018Ma\u2019am\u2019. It\u2019s customary to call people \u2018Miss\u2019 or \u2018Mister\u2019 in this world unless they have a formal title, but Richard just can\u2019t get over calling people Sir or Ma\u2019am no matter how many times he\u2019s corrected.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re our escort today?\u201d<\/p>\n Emily comes over; Cirille nods briskly and indicates a large road her and the other lizards just walked down.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right, Miss. We\u2019re your honorary guard. We\u2019ll be walking you about two miles to the palace.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat? All<\/em> of you?\u201d<\/p>\n The lizard woman smiles wryly.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right. We\u2019re dressed up for a little celebration, as you can see. There will be flowers, cheering\u2014even if no one says who you are. There\u2019re people in this city who\u2019ll cheer a rolling barrel if it has an escort.\u201d<\/p>\n I snort quietly. So much for our heroic return. What did Emily expect? We got kicked out of here the first time we arrived.<\/p>\n When we first came to Rhir, when we came to this world, we were welcomed with celebrations by the King himself and all the court. We were feasted, given parades\u2026until they realized we weren\u2019t actual heroes, but lost kids who couldn\u2019t swing a sword properly. Then they shipped us out to die.<\/p>\n They brought us back because some of us proved we could fight.<\/p>\n And some of us slaughtered a bunch of Demons. Let\u2019s not forget that.<\/em><\/p>\n \u2026But I guess they\u2019re not rolling out the red carpet for us this time, unless these lizards are meant to be more important than Rhir\u2019s soldiers? Nah.<\/p>\n Cirille says pretty much the same thing to Richard as her soldiers line up on either side of us, looking bored and disinterested.<\/p>\n \u201cUs? We\u2019re not locals, Miss. We\u2019re one of the foreign companies sent here on duty to assist the Blighted King. Sometimes that means escorting people around. Every day. Not the bigwigs, though. Us being here means you\u2019re important enough for an escort, but not enough for a full parade. They\u2019d give you an escort of their own [Knights] and so on if you were. We get stuck marching for the lesser dignitaries and officials. Shall we?\u201d<\/p>\n Richard nods. Our group forms up more or less in a line, and I see Cynthia and some of the others staring nervously at the lizard soldiers on either side. Oh no. My stomach clenches. This better not be like the incident with the Selphid soldier.<\/p>\n Aaah! Zombie! Burn the unholy thing! Don\u2019t let it touch me! And then there was Emily washing her hands after shaking the soldier\u2019s hand in plain view. Good times. Who says racism is dead? Or is it speciesism?<\/em><\/p>\n Richard must be thinking the same thing. He coughs and addresses Cirille before she gives the order to march.<\/p>\n \u201cPardon me for bringing this up, Ma\u2019am, but we\u2019ve never actually met someone from your\u2026species before. Are you a, uh, liz\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n The entire group of soldiers seems to freeze<\/em> for a second. Cirille cuts Richard off before he can continue.<\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re Drakes<\/em>, sir. Drakes. Different from Lizardfolk. Very different. If you haven\u2019t seen any of those b\u2014those other soldiers from Baleros, I imagine it\u2019s an easy mistake to make. But we\u2019re different.\u201d<\/p>\n He nods, gingerly.<\/p>\n \u201cMy apologies, Miss Cirille.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTaken. Let\u2019s move out, you lot! Slowly!\u201d<\/p>\n And so we do. I linger near Richard, letting him do the talking as we march out of the plaza and down one of the big roads leading to the palace ahead. Sure enough, there are people waving and cheering as we go by. I\u2019m more interested in the conversation, though.<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s right. I was assigned to Rhir with my company. We got the short straw, depending on how you look at it. All the other parts of our army were assigned to the front or to patrol various spots, but they needed someone to look shiny and didn\u2019t want to waste their own soldiers on the job.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh? Is that normal?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPretty much. Every nation has to send an army to support Rhir. If it were all-out war, I\u2019d be under the command of an actual [General] and there would be at least two Drake armies here. But it\u2019s not, so our lot gets to patrol and go claw-to-claw with those Demon bastards on the front for fun. It\u2019s part of the old treaties, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n Richard nods. He knows, and I do too. Rhir is at war. It has been for thousands of years, apparently. Right now, the Blighted King, the sole ruler of the continent, is battling the Demon King, who is the leader of\u2026the continent. But of Demons and monsters, so apparently he\u2019s not acknowledged as an actual king.<\/p>\n Bit weird, that. Why call him a king, then?<\/em><\/p>\n Anyways<\/em>, the Demons and monsters that come from the corrupted part of the continent are so dangerous that four walls were built to hold them back, and there\u2019s almost always fighting somewhere or other. The Blighted Kingdom gets aid from the rest of the world to hold the Demons back, apparently in the form of soldiers as well.<\/p>\n I eye Cirille. She\u2019s a Drake? Does that mean she\u2019s related to Dragons as opposed to\u2026well, whatever a Lizardperson is related to? Unlike the rest of her soldiers, her armor is open at the back to let two vestigial wings out. They\u2019re folded up neatly and rather small. She notices me looking and smiles. Toothily.<\/p>\n \u201cOldblood. Don\u2019t mind the wings; they\u2019re for show. I can\u2019t get off the ground, but apparently that means I\u2019m special enough to get chosen for a year\u2019s service in this hellhole.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh. Uh. I\u2019m Tom.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPleased. I don\u2019t get to talk to the people I\u2019m marching with that often. Usually they\u2019re too important. You a warrior?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNope. Not me. I\u2014no.\u201d<\/p>\n She blinks at me.<\/p>\n \u201cAlright, then.\u201d<\/p>\n Smooth, Tom. Nice going. The one person who thinks you\u2019re not crazy and you tip her off in five seconds. Is that a Skill, too?<\/em><\/p>\n I hate the voice in my head.<\/p>\n Talking to voices, Tom. First sign of madness.<\/em><\/p>\n But I\u2019m not insane. I\u2019m not. The voice is\u2026a voice. A figment of my imagination. Nothing more.<\/p>\n Only an insane person would have to tell himself he\u2019s sane.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cOr a really sane person would say that. Because only sane people check to make sure they\u2019re not insane.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did you say, Tom?\u201d<\/p>\n Ahead of me, Emily stops waving, looking slightly\u2014I stop muttering under my breath and try to smile at her. Not hugely, not creepily wide or anything else like that. A small, slight smile.<\/p>\n \u201cNothing. Just talking to myself.\u201d<\/p>\n Aha. Look at her face. She doesn\u2019t think that\u2019s normal!<\/em><\/p>\n Everyone talks to themselves. Introverts probably do it more than extroverts, and Emily\u2019s definitely the latter. But everyone does do it. That doesn\u2019t make me any crazier for acknowledging that.<\/p>\n So you say. Keep telling yourself that.<\/em><\/p>\n Shut up, me.<\/p>\n Time to explain again. Hi, I\u2019m Tom.<\/p>\n You did that already.<\/em><\/p>\n Shut up, shut up!<\/em> I\u2019m Tom. And I\u2019m not insane. I can\u2019t be. I just\u2026it\u2019s not a voice in my head. Or rather, it\u2019s just another part of me. That\u2019s the trick, you see? I have to understand that. If I don\u2019t, I\u2019m schizophrenic, or paranoid.<\/p>\n Or insane.<\/em><\/p>\n But the voice is me. It\u2019s a bad joke, as if I\u2019m playing devil\u2019s advocate with everything I do. It\u2019s overthinking things, putting words to an imaginary personality. But there\u2019s only me in here.<\/p>\n Keep telling yourself that. Did I say that already?<\/em><\/p>\n Isn\u2019t it fun? I sigh and slap myself, which makes one of the Drake [Soldiers] walking with me eye me oddly. I ignore him.<\/p>\n If it\u2019s not a voice in my head, then what? I think about that every day. If it\u2019s not a voice\u2026<\/p>\n It started the day after the others found me surrounded by Demon corpses, drenched in blood, laughing my head off and nearly dying of blood loss. I swore I\u2019d never be a [Clown] again, never fight. Not when I saw and remembered what I\u2019d done. I let the crazy out. I <\/em>went insane. And it\u2019s been my choice to not do it again. Because it is me that did all those terrible things, that slaughtered those soldiers. Not anyone else.<\/p>\n Not a monster, you mean.<\/em><\/p>\n Exactly. It\u2019s me. Not anything else. And because I know that, I won\u2019t go crazy.<\/p>\n Unless you already are. Keep telling yourself I\u2019m just a voice, Tom. But we both know the truth. You\u2019re crazy. And the smile you show everyone else, the little act? It\u2019s wearing thin, day after day. You lost it the day Wilen died. And all your \u2018friends\u2019 are waiting for the day you snap again.<\/em><\/p>\n Including me.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u2014-<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n I don\u2019t see much of the city during the march. I\u2019m busy humming loudly in my head. But I do catch up with Cirille as she tells Richard about some of the capital\u2019s highlights.<\/p>\n \u201cIf you\u2019ve got time, head down towards the port area. That\u2019s where most of us foreigners hang out off-duty. The Balerosian and Chandrarian companies are already headed towards the Fourth Wall, and I don\u2019t envy them, but the Terandrians still have a detachment hanging about.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTerandrians?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHumans like you. Sorry, I assumed\u2014are you from Baleros or Chandrar, then?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, we\u2019re from further away than that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cReally? Where, if you don\u2019t mind me asking?\u201d<\/p>\n I don\u2019t get to hear how Richard talks his way out of this one. I hear a shout as we pass through another set of gates, from up ahead. Cirille, Richard, and I step forwards quickly and see Cynthia running backwards, face white and pale.<\/p>\n \u201cA Demon!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n Richard and I instantly freeze. My heart begins to pound. A Demon? Here? In the city? It can\u2019t be. But Richard\u2019s hand is already on his sword and my own demon begins whispering in my head. Yet it\u2019s Cirille who doesn\u2019t panic. She grips Richard before he can draw his blade.<\/p>\n \u201cHold up. I think I know what the problem is.\u201d<\/p>\n She leads quickly past the suddenly wary Drakes, and we pass by a stretch of\u2026what I can only call displays of enemy prisoners. There are cages, small, cramped, and hung from massive chains or put on platforms for passersby to stare at. And they hold something to remind the people living in the city who to hate.<\/p>\n Demons.<\/p>\n They have horns, dark skin which is purple in many cases, but their appearances can be as mutated and different depending on which Demon it is. Some might pass for Human\u2026if you ignore a third eye or extra limb. But they are Demons, sworn to kill all the people of Rhir.<\/p>\n And one is sitting in an iron cage ahead of us. He\u2019s the only one; the other cages are empty, although I can see bloodstains dried in several. Not many Demons get captured alive, apparently. And this one\u2019s just sitting there, a good distance away from our procession. Only Cynthia would freak out that much over seeing one, but then, no one in our group is happy to see them.<\/p>\n They slaughtered us. Over two thirds of our groups died in one night when we were sent to the front lines. Even seeing one now makes me afraid. But he is behind bars.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just one Demon, Cynthia. Don\u2019t scream.\u201d<\/p>\n Richard admonishes Cynthia, who\u2019s gone into hysterics. Behind us, one of the Drakes mutters something uncomplimentary about Humans. Cirille shuts him up. I keep staring.<\/p>\n This Demon has bright yellow eyes, two curved horns like a ram, and fur. Normal, human feet, though, which is<\/em> odd. Four toes, four fingers. He\u2019s\u2026weird.<\/p>\n \u201cStay back. That\u2019s one of the captives they just brought in. A Fearless.\u201d<\/p>\n Cirille orders her soldiers and the rest of us on, but she stays, eying the Demon in the cage. I look at her. Some of the crowd that was cheering our passing has broken away and is jeering and shouting at him. They look angry. Some have rocks.<\/p>\n \u201cA Fearless? Why is he here?\u201d<\/p>\n The Drake shrugs.<\/p>\n \u201cSearch me. It\u2019s one of the things you Humans do. Sorry, I mean, the people of the Blighted Kingdom do. They like reminding themselves what the enemy looks like, I guess. Drakes, we just kill our enemies. But it\u2019s worth memorizing these guys. Know what a Fearless is?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n One of the people in front, a young woman, hurls a stone. It glances off the bars of the cage. A bad throw. But more start throwing stones. The Fearless sits there, not moving an inch. A rock strikes his shoulder, drawing a bit of blood. The crowd cheers. But the Demon doesn\u2019t look afraid. Not at all. A look of irritation flashes over his face and he covers his face with one hand.<\/p>\n \u201cFearless are a type of Demon. They have a class. Well, I say class, but it\u2019s more like an addition to their normal class. [Fearless Warrior], [Fearless Mage], get it? And the class does exactly what you\u2019d think. They can\u2019t feel fear. Not at all.\u201d<\/p>\n I stare at the Demon. He\u2019s got scars all over his body, beneath the fur. From the look of it, he\u2019s been stoned before. Badly. But when the hail of rocks subsides a bit, he lowers his hand and stares around, and his eyes do indeed contain no fear.<\/p>\n That makes the crowd lose some of their rage. If the Demon was defiant, or raging at them, they might have kept going. But this Fearless\u2026it\u2019s one thing to master your fear. But another to have none. It\u2019s\u2026unnatural.<\/p>\n I can see it in the way the Demon moves, the way he looks around. He\u2019s wary of the rocks, of being blinded or hurt. He doesn\u2019t like the pain. But he doesn\u2019t fear it either. And he doesn\u2019t fear death. The Fearless stares around, watchful, calculating.<\/p>\n Then he looks at me. He stares at me and Cirille. She glares at him. I shudder and look away. We walk away as the Fearless sits in his cage, rejoining the procession.<\/p>\n You and he are the same. Don\u2019t deny it.<\/em><\/p>\n Ignore the voice. I turn to Cirille as we catch up with the others. Richard\u2019s ahead, trying to get Cynthia to calm down before she has a panic attack.<\/p>\n \u201cSo that\u2019s a type of Demon? There are lots of them like him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDead gods, I hope not.\u201d<\/p>\n Cirille shudders, her tail twitching as she walks briskly ahead of me.<\/p>\n \u201cThey\u2019re more like shock troopers. Each one\u2019s a dangerous fighter who\u2019s not afraid to die, and they\u2019ll charge through killing grounds if they have to. They\u2019re not idiots, but they\u2019re willing to die to take you with them. The Demon King uses them when he wants to win. I don\u2019t know how many people that one killed, but I\u2019d rather see him dead than in a cage.\u201d<\/p>\n We pass by a street that looks like it leads to some kind of fantastical bazaar, and then one devoted entirely to food. I stare at a cut of dark grey meat and point it out to Cirille. She looks sideways at it and one of the soldiers at the back of the parade mutters. She shakes her head.<\/p>\n \u201cDemon meat.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDemon\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n I break off, not wanting to startle my companions ahead of me. Cirille looks uneasy and shakes her head before lowering her voice.<\/p>\n \u201cThey eat Demons here. I don\u2019t like it, but that\u2019s how it works. See the fellow buying? That\u2019s one of the [Flesh Reapers]. Don\u2019t bother them.\u201d<\/p>\n I see a hooded figure with long, long<\/em> arms reaching for a dripping package from the stony-faced [Butcher].<\/p>\n Mm. Tasty. Try some. I\u2019m sure you could get a sample.<\/em><\/p>\n I shudder and hurry on.<\/p>\n In the end, our parade reaches the gates of the palace without another incident. I pretty much tune out the cheering. It might be meant for me, but I can\u2019t find any pleasure in it.<\/p>\n Would it help if they were screaming?<\/em><\/p>\n And I\u2019m\u2014distracted. I always am. Cirille sees us off at the gates as the Drake [Soldiers] stand at attention. One of them yawns widely until the guy next to her elbows her in the side.<\/p>\n \u201cHere we are. I might see you inside at the banquet tonight. Anyone with any kind of nobility or a title gets invited. Look for the Drakes if you want to find me.\u201d<\/p>\n She nods, and Richard shakes her hand again. She walks past me, and the Drakes depart. The rest of us stare up at the gate. It\u2019s massive, and beyond it, a huge courtyard leads up to the palace of the Blighted King. A staircase stretches from the courtyard to the palace gates, and the citadel rises higher, so high it feels like it\u2019s touching the clouds.<\/p>\n We stayed here, once. We will again. This time, I wonder if we\u2019re wiser, or if the Blighted King will see more of what he wants in us. I don\u2019t know. And I am afraid.<\/p>\n He scares me. Being here scares me. But what scares me most is the little voice I can\u2019t get rid of. It whispers as we walk through the gates.<\/p>\n Welcome home.<\/em><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u2014-<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n His name is Nereshal. With a name like that, he should be tall, lean, with a strong face, perhaps an Egyptian-style nose, long and sharp, and piercing features. He\u2019s not. Instead, he\u2019s rather short, slightly overweight, although not as heavy as I am, and his nose isn\u2019t nearly that pronounced.<\/p>\n But his eyes are piercing. They have the cold, detached look I\u2019ve seen before, in the eyes of the soldiers escorting us. The eyes of someone who\u2019s seen war. And he wears dark grey robes lined with silver that don\u2019t quite hide the scars on his arms and left hand.<\/p>\n He lectures us as he leads us through the palace on a tour.<\/p>\n \u201cYou may recall the rules for staying here from your previous visits, but it is my duty to remind you of the laws of the Kingdom. Specifically, about magic.\u201d<\/p>\n We pass by countless rooms, meant for sleeping, eating, training, planning battle, or just as diversions. Rooms filled with treasures, a room full of huge, floor-to-wall mirrors without a single flaw, a room filled with bright lights that hover around randomly\u2014countless wonders, treasures of the Blighted King. His palace is rich, even if the people who live on the edges of his Kingdom can barely eat.<\/p>\n We pass all of it by as Nereshal lectures us. He points to a glowing light the size of my head, placed just above head height in the corridor we\u2019re walking down. Without it, the enclosed palace would be dark as night. There are few windows, and the passageways throughout the place are a labyrinth unto themselves, especially given how large the palace is. It could hold several lesser castles easily.<\/p>\n \u201cMage lights. By law, no outdoor area in Paranfer may be dark at night. To prevent assassins and spies from entering the city as well as crime. That goes for within the palace as well. They are impossible to disrupt by accident, but note that tampering with them is a crime.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cLike failing to present arms when ordered, obeying a guard, yeah, yeah, what\u2019s not<\/em> a crime around here?\u201d<\/p>\n Nereshal stops abruptly and turns to Eddy. I groan and Richard glares at him. Eddy raises his hands.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat? I\u2019m just saying.\u201d<\/p>\n He never knows when to shut up. Now Nereshal stares at him, and Eddy\u2019s grin slips a bit.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, it\u2019s serious.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou do not seem to understand that. You are guests of His Majesty, not arrogant [Princes]. You do not have the authority to order around servants. And I am no servant.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBe silent.\u201d<\/p>\n Nereshal\u2019s hand reaches out. He doesn\u2019t tap Eddy, but whatever Eddy was about to say is cut off. His mouth gapes open and his eyes widen. He tries to speak, I know he does. His mouth begins to close, incredibly slowly. Panicked, Eddy\u2019s hands feel at his mouth, quickly searching around his face.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat did you do to him?\u201d<\/p>\n Richard interposes himself between Nereshal and Eddy, looking concerned and angry. The [Mage] glances at Richard.<\/p>\n \u201cI slowed the passage of time around his mouth. It will wear off. And he will learn to mind his manners here.\u201d<\/p>\n There\u2019s a pause as everyone stares at him. Vincent\u2019s voice rises in disbelief.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re a time mage?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI thought time magic was impossible!\u201d<\/p>\n Emily, our highest-level [Mage], stares at Nereshal. So do I. I don\u2019t remember him from our first time here, but then, it was a blur to me. Nereshal nods coldly.<\/p>\n \u201cLesser [Mages] may believe so. But the magic of time is another form of power, and the Blighted Kingdom demands all forms of magic in its defense.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat can you do, if you don\u2019t mind me asking?\u201d<\/p>\n Richard looks at Nereshal, once it becomes clear that Eddy\u2019s mouth is the only thing affected. The [Mage] strides onwards, speaking quickly and precisely.<\/p>\n \u201cI can speed up a flight of arrows or slow an enemy\u2019s charge. I can hasten a weather front moving in, or slow the collapse of a wall. But I remain here for my most important duty.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhich is?\u201d<\/p>\n He glances over his shoulder with those cold eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cPreventing the aging of the Blighted King. So he may rule a month, a year, a decade longer. Until I am released from my duties here, I also act as his steward. Take heed of my warnings. If you are found violating any of the laws, the guards who patrol may not wait for explanations. And if you survive that, I will administer a fitting punishment.\u201d<\/p>\n No one has much to say about that. I glance around the group. I\u2019m at the back, since everyone else gets nervous when they stand next to me. We\u2019re definitely not getting treated like we did before. Which might be a good thing.<\/p>\n \u201cAre there any other rules we might break by accident, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\n Richard speaks to Nereshal as he leads us to our rooms, a series of individual bedrooms in a far wing of the palace. The [Mage] considers this.<\/p>\n \u201cI note that two of you seem to have become decent [Mages] in the time since your last stay here. Do any of you know any form of teleportation spell? I caution you not to try casting the spell while staying here.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo. No one knows the spell. Why?\u201d<\/p>\n Nereshal gestures to one of the walls. In parts of the castle, the stones are rough and thick, and the corridors narrow. In others, they\u2019re wide open and sweeping, a sign of polished craftsmanship. But everywhere I can feel a faint tingle that makes me feel as though there\u2019s serious magic here.<\/p>\n Or it\u2019s just in your head.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cTeleportation magic is strictly prohibited around the castle. It is also impossible. An enchantment prohibits teleportation magic of any kind around the castle and city itself. I doubt there are many rules you will break by accident, but remember what I have said.\u201d<\/p>\n He eyes Eddy and his fingers twitch. Eddy gasps as his jaw finally closes, and he keeps his mouth shut, looking pale. The [Mage] turns towards Richard.<\/p>\n \u201cYour presence is requested at tonight\u2019s feast. Clothing will be sent to your rooms. There will be a selection. Shortly thereafter, servants will appear to guide you to the banquet hall.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight.\u201d<\/p>\n Richard hesitates. He looks at Nereshal.<\/p>\n \u201cShould we\u2026prepare? Will we be expected to bow, or\u2026?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDeference is expected. Etiquette is not. Your last visit made that clear. However, you may be expected to stand before His Majesty, in which case you will speak with respect.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat does he\u2014what does His Majesty want with us?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTo appraise your worth.\u201d<\/p>\n A single line, cold and indelicate as the winter we lived through. The [Mage] looks at Richard, and then at Emily.<\/p>\n \u201cI am told two of your number reached Level 30. That is a marker of respect in our kingdom, and you will be accorded its due so long as you protect the realm. You have changed since you were ordered to the front. That is good. As for the other reason why His Majesty ordered your return\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n His eyes linger on me. I feel a pang of fear in my chest.<\/p>\n \u201cHis Majesty is interested in confirming the rumors of your success for his own eyes. I trust he will not be disappointed.\u201d<\/p>\n His eyes stare right through me. I look away, as the whispering in my head grows louder. The Blighted King knows about me? Of course he does. And he\u2019s expecting a hero. Or maybe just a warrior.<\/p>\n I think he\u2019ll be disappointed. I hope he will be.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n \u2014-<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n The banquet is the kind of thing you\u2019d see in a fantasy movie. Big. Magical. And in a room so large and ornate, it can hold a thousand or more diners. Thousands? I\u2019m no good with counting.<\/p>\n And there\u2019s so much to see! Rich nobles sit at long tables, talking with foreign dignitaries of various species. I can see Drakes, the similar yet very different Lizardfolk, strange armored people whose heads seemed to detach like the Headless Horseman\u2026creatures I recognize, like Centaurs and Minotaurs. There\u2019s a Minotaur in a suit<\/em>, chatting with some huge, furry creature that reminds me a bit of Chewbacca crossed with a dog. A Gnoll, apparently.<\/p>\n Some sit, others stand and talk, like they\u2019re at a cocktail party for the rich and powerful. Wait, that\u2019s what this is, isn\u2019t it? There\u2019s music, entertainment for the kids from mages and more conventional sources\u2014even a guy in a bright outfit, doing pratfalls to amuse a cluster of children. They\u2019re all dressed like royalty.<\/p>\n Especially the royalty. The Blighted King and his Queen sit at one end of the room, at a table with a chair that\u2019s practically a throne in itself. But it isn\u2019t the throne; I\u2019ve seen the throne and that thing is scary. This chair is merely ornate and golden.<\/p>\n The room hums with energy, and projects the kind of richness and power that makes me tremble in my boots. I don\u2019t belong here. Not me, a kid born of a working class family. But I tremble for other reasons when I look at the Blighted King from afar.<\/p>\n \u201cYou may conduct your affairs for the feast as you wish. His Majesty only requests that you stay within his presence until you are summoned or given leave to go.\u201d<\/p>\n One of the lesser [Chamberlains] serving underneath Nereshal speaks to our stunned group. We, the children from another world, stare at him, and then hesitantly step into the room. We\u2019ve been here before. We were feasted at the Blighted King\u2019s own table, once. But that was a lifetime ago, when the world was still magical.<\/p>\n When we were still all [Heroes]. I\u2019m not. I gave it up and lost the class when I refused to fight, to answer the people\u2019s calls. Richard still has it. So does Emily and a few others. But they\u2019re not real heroes.<\/p>\n Some of the warriors sitting at the table look like heroes, though. They wear shining armor, and those who are dressed for pleasure rather than war still move with unnatural grace. The Blighted King has [Knights] and champions of countless classes of his own. I see Richard looking nervous. He was allowed to keep his sword\u2014a mark of respect, I guess, but I doubt he\u2019d draw it under any situation.<\/p>\n There are guards at the Blighted King\u2019s table, watchful figures, not all of whom carry swords. Several of them glanced at us when we were announced. Several of them glanced at me.<\/em><\/p>\n So did the King. It was just a flick of the eyes before he turned away, but it confirmed what we all knew. He\u2019ll want to speak with us. The thought makes some, like Cynthia, afraid to enter the room. Others, like Richard, are made of sterner stuff.<\/p>\n \u201cCome on, let\u2019s join the feast.\u201d<\/p>\n He says it, but no one moves. The [Chamberlain] coughs gently. But no one wants to walk out into that magnificent display and attract any attention to themselves.<\/p>\n I could. Perhaps. But the urging in my mind might make that a bad idea. Part of me wants to stride out there, shout, laugh, and cartwheel if I can even pull that off, and make a spectacle. To clown<\/em> in short. To lose control.<\/p>\n Make them laugh, Tom. Let go for a second. You know you want to.<\/em><\/p>\n Nope. I\u2019m not making the first move. But someone has to. A woman dressed all in red sweeps by our group, glass in hand. She looks\u2026melancholy. And determined to hide it. She has a presence that makes half the guys and girls in our group go weak at the knees. Mine are fine.<\/p>\n You\u2019d go weak at the knees if she stabbed you. Or you stabbed her.<\/em><\/p>\n You\u2019d never see the blood, as bright as her gown is. I bite the inside of my lip. Emily squeaks.<\/p>\n \u201cWho is that?<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n The [Chamberlain], looking put upon, gently prods Vincent forwards a bit and speaks softly.<\/p>\n \u201cThat is [Lady] Theras. If you would like to enter and speak with her, please understand she is in mourning, hence the red dress.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRed? Why, what does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n Everyone looks at the [Chamberlain]. He pauses awkwardly, clearly not wanting to say, and then realizes he has to. He clears his throat again.<\/p>\n \u201cMiscarriage. [Lady] Theras and her sister, the [Lady] Zekyria, both lost their children unexpectedly three months ago. They have been in mourning ever since.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh.\u201d<\/p>\n Instantly, most of us shuffled our feet and looked at our dress shoes. Eddy chooses this moment to speak. He\u2019d been doing great after meeting Nereshal.<\/p>\n \u201cSo they wear red if they\u2019re in mourning. After three months?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThis is correct. Sir.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWeird.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s weird<\/em> about that, Eddy?\u201d<\/p>\n Emily and a few girls turn to stare at Eddy. He grimaces.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just that I didn\u2019t think they\u2019d be so open about it, you know? And it\u2019s been three months\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo? What\u2019s wrong with that? Why can\u2019t she be open about it?\u201d<\/p>\n Chole glares at him. Eddy shrugs helplessly. He seems to realize he\u2019s put his foot in it again.<\/p>\n \u201cI dunno. It\u2019s weird, right?\u201d<\/p>\n He looks around. I try not to meet his eye.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s not her fault.\u201d<\/p>\n He shrinks back a bit from Chole\u2019s glare.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, yeah, but\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n He doesn\u2019t have more than that. Uncomfortable, he looks away. I mentally shake my head. Where were you going with that one, Eddy?<\/p>\n He must not like dead babies. At least they\u2019re quieter than live ones, right?<\/em><\/p>\n After another second, Chole turns away from Eddy and walks over to [Lady] Theras. She starts talking to the woman, and the surprised older lady sets down her drink to talk with her. That\u2019s the cue for our group to break up.<\/p>\n We enter the banquet. And it swallows us. In a few minutes, I find myself at a table. We\u2019re sitting with Cirille, since she\u2019s the only one we recognized. She and a couple of Drakes seem only too happy to have company to talk to. And there\u2019s quite a bit of food for me to distract myself by eating.<\/p>\n Jellied fruits, sweet breads, cuts of meat dripping with blood and finely-grilled vegetables of every shape and color\u2026the wrong thing for anyone on a diet. Since I\u2019ve lost at least thirty pounds from not wanting to eat, I don\u2019t care and dig in anyways. Beside me, Cirille is talking to Keith about something called the Walled Cities, and a problem with some species called the Antinium. And apparently there\u2019s a problem with a\u2026Goblin Lord?<\/p>\n I\u2019m only half listening. Food is one of the things that usually grants me a reprieve, but I\u2019m\u2014struggling. With myself. I have a selection of spoons to use, and one of them, one with an edged front, like a spork, has caught my eye.<\/p>\n Go on. Pick up the spoon.<\/em><\/p>\n I stare at it. I want to. I can see myself picking up the spoon, and then gouging Keith\u2019s eye out. Or my own. A spoon. What a convenient weapon. But everything\u2019s convenient when you use it right.<\/p>\n Wrong. Use it wrong. It\u2019s just a thought.<\/p>\n Take it.<\/em><\/p>\n I stare at my right hand. It doesn\u2019t move. I deliberately raise it, take the spoon, and dip it into my soup. I chose soup to start with. It\u2019s delicious. I barely taste it.<\/p>\n You are insane.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201c\u2018Mnot.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat, Tom?\u201d<\/p>\n Keith looks over. He sat himself so that Cirille was between him and me. I shake my head and he looks\u2026nervous. That annoys me.<\/p>\n All of the guys and girls can\u2019t stand to be around me anymore. Not after the village. I know what they saw. Of course I do! But can\u2019t they pretend? Can\u2019t they\u2014at least Richard tries. The rest jump if I so much as sneeze. Cynthia won\u2019t be in the same room with me.<\/p>\n A [Clown]. I chose the class on a lark, because I thought\u2014<\/p>\n I thought this might happen. But I didn\u2019t expect it to happen like this. I thought I might be able to get powers.<\/p>\n You wanted to be an insane clown and didn\u2019t want the insanity? Hah! That <\/em>is a good joke. Now stab Keith in his treacherous little eye. Go on. You picked up the spoon, didn\u2019t you?<\/em><\/p>\n God, maybe I am<\/em> insane. I keep having the same thoughts, over and over in my head. Isn\u2019t that the first sign of insanity?<\/p>\n That\u2019s not insanity, you idiot.<\/em><\/p>\n Yes it is. Einstein said that. I think.<\/p>\n Across the table, Richard is talking with Emily. She\u2019s flirting. I think he might be as well. Or perhaps he\u2019s oblivious. They\u2019re a couple, at least in some sense of the word, but it\u2019s not official. If there is an official. I don\u2019t think they\u2019ve had sex yet. News would spread quickly in our tight-knit circle.<\/p>\n Lonely Tom. Why don\u2019t you try your luck? I\u2019m sure Emily would come to love you. If you held a knife to her throat. Why bother with that? Just kill her. Throw the spoon.<\/em><\/p>\n [Unerring Throw]. How hard could I toss it?<\/p>\n Just a thought. They\u2019re just\u2026thoughts. They pass by, and it doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019ll act on them. But does everyone have these murderous ideas? I have to distract myself. I push the bowl back and put the spoon in it, probably committing a major breach of etiquette.<\/p>\n \u201cHey, so what\u2019s this I\u2019m hearing about a war with the Goblins?\u201d<\/p>\n Cirille turns towards me. Across from her, a Drake with red scales slams his fist onto the table, making my bowl of soup jump.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a crime, that\u2019s what! Garusa Weatherfur and Thrissiam Blackwing are dead<\/em>! Two of our finest [Generals] and over twenty thousand good Gnolls and Drakes, gone, and for what? Because those bickering bastards couldn\u2019t field a larger army? We could have sent three times that number! And I heard that vital intelligence wasn\u2019t even passed on to them! The Goblin Lord uses undead<\/em>, and no one thought to pass off that tidbit to either [General]! Some [Mage] bastard or low-level [Scribe] thought it wasn\u2019t important information when it came from Zel Shivertail himself!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n He grabs a goblet and drains it, ignoring the looks he is getting from further up and down the table. The Drake raises his voice, cutting above the local babble of voices.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s bloody infighting that\u2019s killing us, when we should be cutting the Goblin Lord off at the knees and then banding together against those blasted Humans\u2014not you lot, the ones from the north\u2014or the Antinium! We don\u2019t have time to spend infighting. Hah, I\u2019m beginning to see why Shivertail doesn\u2019t spend his time in politics if all the eggheads back home can\u2019t defeat a damn Goblin!\u201d<\/p>\n His companions try to placate the angry Drake. I\u2019m pleased. This is a good distraction.<\/p>\n \u201cIt sounds like they\u2019re not that competent.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re telling me?\u201d<\/p>\n The Drake turns one bloodshot eye to me. I can sense his tail lashing the ground angrily underneath the table.<\/p>\n \u201cEvery year we send an army to pound the Humans, and every year they send one down to the Bloodfields. We tear each other apart, killing thousands like clockwork, then march on back and say what a glorious victory we had! On both sides! Either invade and start tearing down cities or make peace already! Don\u2019t waste our soldiers\u2019 lives when there\u2019s real wars to be fought!\u201d<\/p>\n His speech gets voices of approval from some of the other Drakes at the table. Cirille rolls her eyes and twitches her wings as if she\u2019s heard the same griping many times before. I nod, trying to keep the Drake talking. It slips out before I can help it.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, exactly. That\u2019s insane. Insanity\u2019s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, right? That\u2019s the definition of it, anyways.\u201d<\/p>\n I freeze. I didn\u2019t mean to ask. It was just a thought in my head! I sense every head, every person from my world, stop talking and turn to look at me. They stare. There\u2019s fear in some eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, well you\u2019d know, right Tom?\u201d<\/p>\n Eddy says that. Good old Eddy, breaking the sudden silence. The others laugh, a bit too loudly. Cirille rolls her eyes and flicks her tail.<\/p>\n \u201cTell that to my superiors. They\u2019re happy enough to send a few thousand soldiers over here to get combat experience, never mind the losses.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s different. That\u2019s\u2026that\u2019s important. This war has to be won. Can\u2019t expect to make peace with Demons. Not those bastards. Lost a detachment to the Fearless the other day. Crazy bastards ran right onto my [Pikemen].\u201d<\/p>\n The Drake, who\u2019d been so angry, slumps into his chair morosely. Talk turns elsewhere. I relax a bit, only to shoot up when I sense Keith poking me. I turn.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTom, that\u2019s just a myth. Einstein never said that.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSaid? Said what?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cInsanity. You know, doing the same thing over and over? That\u2019s not the actual definition, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n My blood runs cold.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat? No, it is.\u201d<\/p>\n He shakes his head.<\/p>\n \u201cPeople assume Einstein said it, but that\u2019s just a myth. Trust me, my professor loved to talk about laws. Insanity isn\u2019t a real medical condition. It\u2019s a legal term. It means\u2026well, it\u2019s a defense people used. If you\u2019re insane you can\u2019t be held responsible for breaking the law. Medically, it doesn\u2019t really exist anymore. It doesn\u2019t make sense.\u201d<\/p>\n That\u2019s not the definition. I was wrong. And he\u2014I\u2014<\/p>\n I was wrong.<\/p>\n Keith nods towards me, helpful, oblivious. I stare at him with a grin frozen on my face until I realize what I\u2019m doing. I turn back, staring at my cooled bowl of soup and not seeing it. Inside my chest, my heart\u2019s suddenly beating all too fast.<\/p>\n How did he know? No\u2014I must have known. It\u2019s a coincidence, that\u2019s all. I must have known and subconsciously\u2014<\/p>\n It\u2019s me in here. Just me. And the voice is just a voice.<\/p>\n Are you crazy? Or am I real? Am I something else? How would I know that, Tom? Who am I?<\/em><\/p>\n Who are you?<\/em><\/p>\n I sit in my chair, sit as the world greys out around me. It must be me. It has<\/em> to be me. I went crazy back then and I might be crazy now. But I can\u2019t let it be anyone else. Even if it is. Because if I don\u2019t take responsibility for my actions, I really will go crazy. I\u2019ll use that as an excuse. It\u2019s always been me. If it\u2019s not\u2014<\/p>\n Then who\u2019s in here with me?<\/p>\n \u201cTom? Tom!<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n Someone\u2019s hissing at me, shaking me. I look up. I was sitting for so long that I didn\u2019t notice the room go silent. I didn\u2019t hear, and I didn\u2019t realize everyone around me was standing up. I look around and see Richard shaking my shoulder, face pale.<\/p>\n I look up, and at the head of the room, the Blighted King is on his feet. He is staring towards our table, towards us. And his eyes are locked on me.<\/p>\n Slowly, I rise. By his side the [Chronomancer], the mage Nereshal, beckons. We slowly leave our table and file towards the Blighted King. I stare at him.<\/p>\n I am afraid. But not of him. I break out into a cold sweat as I approach him, one of the most powerful men in the world, the one who summoned us here. Not because of his presence, not because of the armed guards who stand next to him, or his stare that weighs us like ants. I do not fear him.<\/p>\n But there is someone laughing in my head. And I am terribly afraid that person isn\u2019t me.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Previous Chapter<\/a> Next Chapter<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I have a confession to make. When I first came to this world, I was excited. I thought I could be someone else. They told me I could be a hero. But it turned out that people don\u2019t change that easily. Cowards are still cowards. And I was a coward. But then I was afraid […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":52856846,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_searchwp_excluded":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"patreon-level":0,"patreon_level":0,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[11693084,349],"tags":[7224,250708,4330244,4472517,11693079],"twi_volume":[11693133],"twi_collection":[],"class_list":["post-4277","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-volume-4","category-writing","tag-fantasy","tag-inn","tag-web-novel","tag-web-serial","tag-writing"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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