He also wondered who would have dared to blind Gazi.

In the first Flos chapter, Gazi tells King and co. all about Erin injuring her. The narrative explicitly indicates that the twins are paying close attention to the story.

These kind of errors bug me because they feel so incredibly careless. After all, it makes total sense that Trey couldn’t imagine Erin hurting Gazi, so why not just assert that as the truth? I’m sure there is significant care to avoid this kind of thing but it feels so easily preventable. It would be hard to write Trey’s perspective well if there’s not a clear picture of what he’s learned about Gazi.

That being said, I think TWI is great and Pirate Abba writes very well, especially since I’m pretty sure it’s not professionally edited before going up online.

The party is long gone now that im here, but its supposed to be bigger, but not like Jupiter bigger, more like 3 or 4 earths bigger. It depends on the size of their ‘sun’ of course, but if its like the size of our sun then then it shouldn’t be that much of a difference I think.

“But the Quarass had sent a [Mage] to kill Flos. He had slaughtered the civilians that Flos had rallied to fight the army that had ambushed him. Flos had given the Quarass one chance to surrender. She had refused, ”

He had slaughtered should probably be She had slaughtered

———
The Kingdom of *Germina ruled by the Quarass and the Kingdom of Hellios.
———
Trey remembered the sight of Flos’ armies besieging the capital of Hellios and fighting *Germina’s armies on the field.
———
The Kingdom of *Germina had not.
———
The kingdom of *Germina built its city out of mud brick and stone.
———
Trey rode ahead, following Flos as the King of Destruction charged his mount towards the squat palace that was home to *Germina’s ruler, the Quarass.
———
The King of Destruction had rode through the lightly-armored ranks of *Germina’s army, cutting the [Soldiers] down by the thousands with his army.
———
Orthenon was overseeing the surrender and Mars was fighting the last of *Germina’s forces that had refused to surrender.
———
It felt wrong. Too easy, almost. It was hard to call war unfair, but after seeing Mars fight, after seeing how helpless *Germina’s army was against the high-level vassals Flos commanded…Trey thought Mars could have destroyed *Germina’s army by herself if she had enough time. She’d slain the Quinfer, the *Germina army’s champion, in a du
———
d! Throw down your arms or join her! Her crimes are not *Germina’s! Join her, loyal citizens or surrender!”
His words had provoked a bloodbath in the throne room, but the streets went quiet. Soldiers and citizens of *Germina had f
———
The King of Destruction had been content to simply claim the lands of Hellios and *Germina for now and thus no further wars had taken place yet.

Does seem boisterous with the Wistram claim. Maybe the mage doesn’t want to come back.

A battle against Wistram would be interesting especially with all those unbeatable golmes.

“She had returned from Liscor blinded, her central eye damaged by an encounter with a certain [Innkeeper]. She sat before Flos now in front of the campfire.”
Extra space between sentences.

“Their lives prevented the same—Hellios’ army had laid down their arms almost {to a} man rather than keep fighting.”
{to a} -> {to one} or {down to a}? It could just be me but I’m not sure what this part is supposed to mean.

“Her greatsword she carried around sheathed on her hip—but only when she rode. It was actually too long to carry that way when she was walking on the ground so Gazi kept it on her back.”
The order of the descriptions here seems to imply she’s currently walking which is slightly confusing IMO. But again, it could just be me.

“Metal forged with the weight of shackles was {impure as} that of metal made with dishonest deeds or blood, or so he had said.”
{impure as} -> {as impure as}

“If this young woman can truly {smith Naq-Alrama steel,} she must be at least Level 30.”
Extra space.

I know I’m late to the party but: Their world is also far bigger than ours if I recall correctly. Though that does bring up an interesting point about the difference between how a sun would project on a flat surface versus a sphere, and how one sun could loop around the “planet” consistently, or if there are perhaps two suns orbiting it.