Mary Sue is an unfair and inaccurate way to describe her, even ignoring the fact that it’s a very gendered critique in most contexts I’ve seen it used. Ryoka has flaws, she lacks social skills, is struggles to accept when she is wrong (which is not the same as never being wrong as the descriptor Mary Sue implies), and is functionally weak when compared to those with high levels. Not to mention her anger management difficulties. Her positive traits are her intelligence and strength of will, general athleticism for a human without the system, and her sceptical nature. I personally like her as a character, and I don’t think your comment has really detailed why a flawed protagonist such as her is bad writing. However she really isn’t a ‘Mary Sue’ by any definition that matters, which is my main complaint.

This comment is spot on.
It’s sums basically ny biggest problem with the story.

Tbh ryouka is right in everything she said to erin.

Erin probably didn’t try to hurt her badly. So the skill wasn’t utilized to it’s fullest extent

I think Erin can be rather stubborn just like Ryoka. Sometimes foolishly so. I find her arguing with Relc to be brave. It can also be considered unwise. But that’s what speaking out is about. Even if it’s unwise, at least make a stand and stick by it. That said, a conversation like that can go violent at a moments notice.

Oh well, that’s bravery for you. It can foolish. It can unwise. It can be audacious. But it is also admirable and wonderful.

Both characters are quite brave. I love both characters for it.

Erin is mindless. In real life, she does not think further than one step ahead, and that extends to even her morallity. As such her framework of ethic is painfully simplistic.

I wish I could call her a deontologist, but even that seems like giving her too much credit. It feels like she is doing the right things, not for the benefit of her fellow creatures, but because society has conditioned her behaviour.

A few chapters back, when Erin was talking with Magnolia about what is essentially the trolley problem, Erin snapped her answer by invoking God, and this irked me.

Firstly, it is because it is noncommittal. The gods are dead, she said, and so no one gets to decide right or wrong. Secondly, she deferred moral judgment to an authority figure, maybe a hallmark of her Christian upbringing, whatever the reason, it feels weak, a character flaw of hers. Thirdly, I wonder what she thinks of the US judicial system, where there are professionals who routinely judge the actions of people and dish out punishments which sometimes include death. Did she even think about what her statement said, what information it conveyed? It would not be too out of character if she did not.

In this chapter alone, right after Ryoka told her her story about how goblins attacked her and killed the people around her, Erin looked disappointed, which might just be the unreliable POV, since Ryoka was pretty emotionally vulnerable at that moment, but this reaction tracks with her character, with how she dismiss Relc’s concern and hatred of goblins. It was reasonably justified inside her inn. Relc was after all biased, and Rags was not that bad as a person to Erin. Yet confronted with the horror that a band of goblins unleashed, she did not feel her judgment wavering, that at least some goblins should be killed, or at least that some of them are evil and they are a problem.

Maybe I’m reading too much into this. It was an instantaneous reaction after all. Maybe her stance on goblin extermination will change in later chapters. Maybe she finally did something about the goblins, something to pacify them. The latter is much harder to write, but can be more satisfying. I’m hoping that she has changed somehow. That would be good. That would be character progression, something she lacked.

Another issue with Erin is her unrealistic stupidity (mean word, but I cannot think of another word currently). “The ability to play chess is the sign of a gentleman. The ability to play chess well is the sign of a wasted life.” Clearly, she is not very intelligent outside of chess. She lacks knowledge, which can be explained by her chess prodigy past, yet her inability to see into the future, figuring out consequences of her actions, and lack of cunning, is supernatural, contrasting with her chess skill, admittedly nontransferable to other aspects of real life.

Her lack of wit or intentionality in the result of her actions diminishes the impact of her victories. I’ll take the example of her chess game with Magnolia. She noticed the wrongness of the game and deduced that her opponent must be cheating, and this is good writing. It makes sense, fits her character, and builds up her image. She further bested her opponent despite the handicap. It could have been impressive. There was no ulterior motive in her action, no mind game, no strategic social interaction. She merely wanted to test her skill.

She did not think before accepting Magnolia’s invitation. She did not think before blabbering her secret to Ceria, which in hindsight did not matter, but it was the thought that counted. She did not think about why chess exists in this world, and worse, she made no attempt to learn about this world, neither to fit in nor in the hope of going home. When a new piece of information came to light, she asked, she inquired, but never did she go out of her way to learn.

Reading the passage where Ryoka confronted Erin with her lack of thinking felt so satisfying. When they started fighting, I felt cathartic. I had hope that this chapter would push her to change, that maybe the loss of her friendship would develop her character, force her to adapt. When Mrsha bit her leg and Erin hurled her away, a child body slamming to a table, breaking it, it was all but confirmed. I could almost see how the story goes on.

Then the tension cooled. The two girls reconciled. It dawned on me that probably nothing is going to come of this, presumptuous as that might sound. When Klbkch first died, she did not change, unless you count the burning spiders changes, and his death lasted half the volume. It would be strange for this little scuffle to rile her.

I know you can write good character. You wrote Ryoka. She is clever, knowledgeable, and talented in many things. She has flaws, deep and defining, that she is aware of and is trying to work through. She has changed.

Vol 1 Ryoka was arrogant and invincible. Vol 2 Ryoka is weak and she knows it. She suffered more. Her victories felt real, earned.

Maybe this is intentional. She has no skill in contrast with Erin. Erin’s victories felt hollow. Of course, that is my opinion, biased by the fact that she did not notice how chess (with the en passant rule, I mind you) existed in this world.

If so, you should have made Ryoka the protagonist.

There is the continuity issue of when Magnolia learned chess. I may be or may not be. If Erin had commented on it, then we would know for sure it was intentional, but she did not, and I could not tell if it was because she was dense or that it was a mistake.

Toren’s not here. He left and hasn’t come back yet.